Mmmmm. Black Friday. The one day it’s O-K to act on those animal instincts. Box-out a few Walmart patrons in the name of Elizabeth Lambert and the New Mexico Lobos women’s soccer team. Men, put on your best Ray Lewis.
Early reports out of Chicago suggest a 35% increase of Black Friday online shoppers, spending on average $170.19 dollars per order, up from $126.04 last holiday season. The Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA) closed at 10,309.92 yesterday, 154.48 points lower than before Thanksgiving, but there’s still hope for a profitable holiday season.
Some people head into Black Friday thinking: “Oooo! What can I buy?” —Some plan their attack with military precision. Others are forced into the shopping bonanza by their spouse or loved one.
Despite all the spending and hustling around the country, I was upset to see the Red Sox front office so quite on such a festive holiday. C’mon boys! I thought everyone did their shopping ONLINE this year.
Do I have to sweep your butts to the free agent shopping malls in order to grab these once-in-a-lifetime deals? And I really mean, once-in-a-lifetime, because defensive players like Alex Gonzalez don’t come around that often. Well, if I may rectify that statement, discounted deals for Alex Gonzalez have come around, but in the aforementioned, we’ve let them go by the wayside.
Our trusty Shortstop was snatched up by the Toronto Blue Jays this week, and once again, Theo’s infield has more holes than a game of Whack-A-Beaver. It’s pretty bad.
According to Tony Massarotti of the Boston Globe, Gonzalez signed a one-year, $2.75 million dollar deal with the Blue Jays in 2010, holding a club option for $2.5 million in 2011.
The Red Sox were only willing to offer $3 mill in a year. Taking a discount somewhere else? What’s happening to our team? Do we have garlic-strung necklaces and kitty litter in our clubhouse?
Pungent. Something is starting to stink over here; a master plan ought to be in the works.
So hey! Let’s play a game. I have the entire economical balance in my hands, and I’ve turned it into Monopoly money. Exchanged that 10,309 DJIA into Nomah dollahs. Guaranteed for a few years, family entertainment, and good return on the MLB trade deadline.
Play, or you could end up on the floor of Walmart, trampled, starring into the $20 weave you bought last Kevin Millar offseason, wondering what could’ve been.
GO
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